Bruce Schneier misrepresenting his credentials?

I run the Bruce Schneier Facts website (inspired by my Bruce Schneier Facts comic strip from way back in 2008) and because of this I get some interesting emails. Sometimes it’s corrections to the often incomprehensibly complicated jokes. Sometimes it’s people angry at Bruce Schneier. More often than not, people just think I am Bruce Schneier, which is nice but he has a way better beard.

Back in 2014, I got an email from a lawyer on the other side of a patent case that Bruce Schneier was an expert on:

Hello,

Do you know of any instances in which Bruce Schneier has misrepresented his credentials, publications, or accomplishments?

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Dickhead Laywer

I changed his name to protect his privacy. His real name is Knobhead Lawyer.

So the Bruce Schneier Facts database is a bit of a stupid place to dig up dirt. I’m not sure what he was looking for. So I emailed him back:

Hi Dick,

I once heard the claim that he could compute discrete logarithms in polynomial time with his fists. I’m no mathematician but I’m fairly
sure that is a misrepresentation.

Hope that helps,

John.

He apparently didn’t get the joke and replied:

Thanks John.

May I ask why the Web site exists? I’m not a fan of Bruce Schneier’s, but it appears that he has profoundly offended someone to warrant the creation of the Web site. What is the back story?

DHL.

And I replied once more:

Hi D,

It’s quite a long and painful story – one I’d rather not recount really. Suffice to say, he proved the infinitude of twin primes by enumeration –
which upset a lot of people.

Did you get any further with your research? It’d be good to bring this guy down a peg or two!

John.

He never replied. I’d love to hear that he cited a Bruce Schneier fact in court though.

“Your honour, when Mr. Schneier, seen here in a cowboy hat armed with two uzi machine guns, claimed he knew Alice and Bob’s shared secret he was clearly misrepresenting his accomplishments”