Louisa and I went on a little Holiday to Staithes in North Yorkshire at the end of January. We stayed in a tiny cottage 20 steps from the sea with no Internet and no mobile phone reception. It was the most relaxing holiday I’ve had in years. Usually we’re storming all over whichever city we’re staying in to make sure we see everything.

More photos are online in my Staithes photo set.

She’s also written loads about our holiday in Russia.

I did find a keyboard but I’m too lazy to write properly, so I copied and pasted.

Рщдн агсл Ш зкуыыув еру цкщтп лун сщьиштфешщтю!!!

We’re in a restaurant (ресторан) in Moscow. There is a computer built into every booth with which you order your food. When you’ve ordered it then let’s you browse the Internet for free. The menu ordering system uses Flash and if you right click and click “About Macromedia Flash…” it opens a new browser window and takes you to Macromedia; you don’t have to order anything to browse. The food looked great so we ordered anyway (there is a human element to the security system anyway. He’s sat at the door with a shaven head looking menacing).

I came across a squat toilet today but luckily I only needed the urinal. The whole squatting thing makes sense but is no doubt difficult the first few times. It’s the wiping that worries me: no toilet paper. Put it this way, left handed people have no friends in Russia.

I was going to write the title of this post in Russian, but ironically this keyboard (in an Internet cafe) is qwerty only.

I’ll probably write more when I get back. Or I might not.

Also, you can’t be sure whether I actually wrote this from Russia or I queued it up before I left like the last post. That’s a bit of mystery for you; spice things up a bit.

Can’t get to my mobile answer-phone messages or my e-mail, so if you need me send me a text.

If my plane crashed and I died then this post will be a bit disconcerting. I probably went to hell, but don’t worry: all my friends will be here one day. Could someone please feed the cats.

Also, I purchased a new extreme wide angle lens (fish eye). You’ve probably seen them used to take photos of skateboarders and, um, perhaps rollerbladers. I plan to use it to do more interesting things, mainly as I don’t know any skateboarders. As a first start I present to you the following sample shot taken in Scotland.

I also came to work today only to find it’s some kind of bank holiday. Although I do not work for a bank, my colleagues have decided not to come in. I’ll be going home early and claiming an extra day’s holiday. (I did wonder why the roads were so quiet this morning.

Now that Christmas is over I can quit explaining to people that the reason I’m not overtly-excited, or even happy, at this time of year is because I am not a Christian*. It seems that nearly all of my friends and family are closet, behind the scenes Christian nut-cases and must spend the rest of the year very quietly praising their lord. Come December (or even November) they fashion their credit cards into little boomerangs, sprint into the nearest department store and celebrate the miracle birth of Jesus by buying anything they can reach for people they don’t even like.

I’ve still got New Years Eve to get past before I’m in the clear though. “I’m afraid I’m not a Catholic either, so I don’t follow the Gregorian Calendar. Sorry.”

* Well, if you actually know anything about Christmas you’ll know it’s actually the pagan midwinter holiday of Yule. In fact, the birth of Jesus isn’t even documented properly in the Bible. The story is told only by Matt and Luke (the disciples, not the 80s pop band Bros.) and their accounts have huge glaring differences between them. Christians tend to ignore this, as they do with Dinosaur bones, in accordance with the laws of ‘faith’.